At All About You Therapy Services, we understand how challenging it can be to support someone you care about when their trauma response is triggered. Trauma responses can manifest in many ways, including emotional outbursts, withdrawal, or physical symptoms like shaking or sweating. These reactions are tied to deep emotional wounds, often rooted in past traumatic experiences. Knowing how to be there for someone in these moments requires patience, empathy, and a basic understanding of trauma.
1. Understand What a Trauma Response Is
First, it’s essential to understand what a trauma response is. Trauma responses are the body and mind’s way of protecting themselves from perceived threats, even if the danger isn’t immediate. These responses, which include fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, are automatic and involuntary. When triggered, the person may relive elements of the trauma, even though they may not be in danger at the moment.
For example, someone who has experienced physical or emotional abuse might flinch, get defensive, or become unusually anxious in certain situations, even if no harm is present. Knowing that these reactions are not conscious choices, but instinctual defenses, will help in being more compassionate.
2. Stay Calm and Grounded
When someone’s trauma response is triggered, they may feel disoriented or overwhelmed. One of the most helpful things you can do is remain calm yourself. Your emotional state will help set the tone for how the other person responds. If you react with anxiety, fear, or frustration, it may escalate their distress.
Instead, take deep breaths, speak softly, and make sure your body language is non-threatening. This could mean avoiding sudden movements or harsh tones, which might be interpreted as threats. Maintaining a calm demeanor helps create a safe space for the person to navigate their emotions.
3. Practice Active Listening
Sometimes, the person may need to talk about what they’re experiencing or what triggered their trauma response. In these moments, it’s crucial to listen without judgment. Let them express their feelings without interruption, advice, or attempts to “fix” the situation immediately. Active listening involves nodding, making eye contact (if they’re comfortable with it), and acknowledging their emotions with phrases like “I hear you,” “That sounds really hard,” or “I’m here for you.”
Validating their experience is key. Trauma can make people feel isolated and misunderstood. Reassure them that you believe them and acknowledge that their feelings are valid.
4. Offer Physical Comfort (With Consent)
Some people may find comfort in physical touch when triggered, such as a hug, holding hands, or even just sitting close to someone. However, it’s essential to ask for consent first. Trauma could make people hypersensitive to touch, especially if the trauma involved physical violation or violence.
You might say, “Would you like a hug?” or “I’m here if you want to hold my hand.” If they say no, respect that and offer verbal reassurance instead. Never take their refusal personally; it’s not about you, but about their need to feel safe in that moment.
5. Help Them Ground Themselves
Grounding techniques can help someone regain control of their emotions during a trauma response. These techniques work by reconnecting the person with the present moment, often by focusing on their physical senses. You can gently suggest grounding exercises, such as:
- Deep breathing: Guide them through slow, deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.
- 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Ask them to identify 5 things they can see, 4 they can touch, 3 they can hear, 2 they can smell, and 1 they can taste. This can help redirect their attention from the trigger to their immediate surroundings.
- Body scanning: Encourage them to focus on different parts of their body, noticing how each part feels without judgment.
These techniques can be helpful in calming the nervous system and reminding the person that they are in the present, not in the past trauma.
6. Know When to Give Space
Sometimes, someone in a triggered state may need space to process their emotions on their own. It can be challenging to watch someone you care about withdraw or isolate, but respecting their boundaries is crucial. Let them know that it’s okay to take space and reassure them that you’re there when they’re ready. You might say, “If you need some time alone, that’s okay. I’m here when you’re ready to talk or need anything.”
7. Encourage Professional Help
While you can provide emotional support, it’s important to recognize the limits of your role. Trauma is complex, and professional help from a therapist or counselor is often necessary for healing. Gently encourage the person to explore professional help if they haven’t already. You could say, “Have you thought about talking to someone who can help you process this?” or “It might be helpful to explore therapy if you’re comfortable with it.”
8. Avoid Judgment and Personalization
Lastly, avoid taking the trauma response personally. Trauma reactions are often disproportionate to the current situation because they are tied to past experiences, not the present moment. Your loved one might say or do things that seem hurtful, but it’s important to remember that they are responding to their trauma, not to you.
Stay patient, avoid judgment, and remind yourself that the best thing you can do is be there for them with empathy and understanding.
Conclusion
Supporting someone when their trauma response is triggered is an act of love and compassion. By staying calm, practicing active listening, offering grounding techniques, and respecting their boundaries, you can help create a safe environment for them to process their emotions. Remember, trauma is complex, and while your support can make a difference, encouraging professional help is often a critical step toward healing. Give us a call to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed counselors who specializes in trauma therapy.
